Posted by: frogstale | June 25, 2013

That elusive ‘spark’

We all look for that ‘spark’ or ‘chemistry’ or ‘connection’ – call it what you want – with the person we want to have a relationship with.  But what is it?  I went out for lunch with a guy I met on-line on Sunday.  Nice guy, pleasant, friendly, polite, we have been texting each other for a week and chatting online and on the phone – we had plenty to talk about. But in person, no spark.  None whatsoever.  It isn’t that he isn’t reasonably attractive, no horns on his head, stains on his clothes, bad breath, greasy hair or any of those gross things.  But just no spark.  No excitement.  No burning desire to see him again.

I got that with Chris and that is the trouble, I am looking for it again.  We chatted by email for a week and by the end of the week, without even seeing each other we already had a spark.  Our interests were the same, we wanted the same things in life, we flirted, he made me laugh, I couldn’t wait to get the next email from him.  Excitement built, anticipation at meeting grew, attraction increased.

Then we met and it was just fantastic.  Felt so comfortable, conversation was effortless, we agreed on so many things, but had enough differences to make it interesting.

But then the man I fell in love with changed and disappeared so maybe that swift spark and deep sense of falling in love quickly and hard – just misled me.  I missed the subtle clues that something wasn’t quite right.

So what do I look for this time?  That elusive spark that I can’t really explain but know when I have it, or a slow growth of companionship, a gradual knowing that I like this person, a deepening of feelings over time?  What is going to serve me better in the long run?

I don’t know.  But the guy on Sunday didn’t have that spark.  Should I see him again even though I don’t feel ‘it’ which might not be fair to him. Or should I wait and see if I am searching for something that isn’t a true indicator of long term success in a relationship?

Shall I hang out for that elusive ‘spark’?



  1. That spark is the reason i keep going back for more because i just dont think ill ever have that spark again it was there from the minute i set eyes on him and even now 4 years later it is still there but the highs are highs and the lows are low and i mean he takes me to hell and back im either all good or all bad are the highs worth it ? Its just a feeling iv never had before and i doubt i will ever have again .Iv tried and failed the no contact over and over and im back stuck in limbo not moving forward and will never know if the spark he has is real or not im partly still in denial i think :/ enjoying your blog so far although i have been neglecting my own blog as im finding other peoples including yourself more intresting 🙂

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