We all look for that ‘spark’ or ‘chemistry’ or ‘connection’ – call it what you want – with the person we want to have a relationship with. But what is it? I went out for lunch with a guy I met on-line on Sunday. Nice guy, pleasant, friendly, polite, we have been texting each other for a week and chatting online and on the phone – we had plenty to talk about. But in person, no spark. None whatsoever. It isn’t that he isn’t reasonably attractive, no horns on his head, stains on his clothes, bad breath, greasy hair or any of those gross things. But just no spark. No excitement. No burning desire to see him again.
I got that with Chris and that is the trouble, I am looking for it again. We chatted by email for a week and by the end of the week, without even seeing each other we already had a spark. Our interests were the same, we wanted the same things in life, we flirted, he made me laugh, I couldn’t wait to get the next email from him. Excitement built, anticipation at meeting grew, attraction increased.
Then we met and it was just fantastic. Felt so comfortable, conversation was effortless, we agreed on so many things, but had enough differences to make it interesting.
But then the man I fell in love with changed and disappeared so maybe that swift spark and deep sense of falling in love quickly and hard – just misled me. I missed the subtle clues that something wasn’t quite right.
So what do I look for this time? That elusive spark that I can’t really explain but know when I have it, or a slow growth of companionship, a gradual knowing that I like this person, a deepening of feelings over time? What is going to serve me better in the long run?
I don’t know. But the guy on Sunday didn’t have that spark. Should I see him again even though I don’t feel ‘it’ which might not be fair to him. Or should I wait and see if I am searching for something that isn’t a true indicator of long term success in a relationship?
Shall I hang out for that elusive ‘spark’?