I want to believe that ‘what comes around goes around‘ and that good people end up with good things and bad people get their come-uppance. I so want to believe that. It is so unfair that life isn’t like that. And I struggle with understanding why bad things happen to good people.
I believe in a higher power, not a religious god but some sort of power greater than us. I choose to believe that things happen for a reason and that in the end the reason will become clear. That makes it easier to cope with the bad things. There are times though that it is too hard to keep believing that.
My first husband James is earning heaps of money – he works 6 months a year, goes on overseas holidays every few months, has 3 residences and spends big on himself and his new girlfriend. He has a well paid professional job and will retire with millions. But he fights me over every cent for the children – his children – and is still hounding me through court about it.
My second husband Chris has two children – and he paid child support for those two boys way above what he was legally supposed to pay and continued to pay it even when he was out of work for 9 months. He paid when they turned 18 and went to University and would have kept on paying until the youngest was 21 – except that he got made redundant a second time. He never earned that much anyway, a quarter of what my first husband earns and yet paid more than him in child support to his ex wife.
Why is it that he now has been out of work for nearly 9 months again and is reduced to a menial job earning a couple of hundred dollars for 2 days work and is having to claim welfare payments and James is living the high life? It isn’t fair. It isn’t right. I can’t understand why this has happened to him. He is a nice kind man who was born with Aspergers – but his life has turned to shit.
Losing his job ended our relationship. Not the fact of losing his job but the effect it had on him, his self esteem, depression, and an increase in his Asperger behaviours.
All those well meaning spiritual and religious people who tell you that ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger‘ and ‘everything happens for a reason‘ aren’t living his life. They aren’t living my life. I can’t think what bloody reason this has happened to him and by extension to me and my children.
I see James, a man who lies and cheats and works the system to pay as little for his children as possible, getting away with it time and time again and nothing bad happens to him.
And I wonder why karma isn’t working, why he isn’t getting what he truly deserves – why a good kind man is suffering. Does Karma really exist?