I have a set of signed paperwork for the children’s orders and am no longer in the court system. However sharing children with an ex who has a personality disorder means that this particular battle is won but I need to be prepared for the next salvo in the war.
I can also give you a great example of the unreasonable behaviours that my ex demonstrates and how he uses the kids as pawns in this war.
Eighteen months ago during court appointed mediation the topic of medical coverage for the children was raised. The ex pulls out his wallet and gets out a card, shows it to us and says ‘I have top private health cover for the children’.
Mediator asks me ‘Do you have a card?’.
‘James, you can get a copy of the card for Frog’s Tale (not real name!!) to use for the children’
He huffs and puffs and blows hot air with a number of totally invalid reasons as to why he can’t do that……
‘How will it get paid, what about the excess, she can’t just use the card, I will have to pay, privacy ….. ‘ blah blah blah
The mediator explains that the excess is paid on the spot and there is no issue and that many people do this.
I couldn’t help myself from putting my 2c worth in and saying ‘you wouldn’t know how it works because you have never taken the children to the dentist.’ I got a slapped wrist from the mediator for saying that, and I deserved it, but sometimes you just can’t help yourself can you!
So the papers from that mediation session – which he agreed to – stated that he would give me a card for the children’s private health cover.
HE NEVER SIGNED THE PAPERWORK
Nine months later we are back at mediation. I ask the the mediator and him about the private health cover. He agrees again and she softens the wording a little this time and issues paperwork stating he agreed to give me access to the children’s health cover.
HE NEVER SIGNED THE PAPERWORK
A further nine months down the track and he asks me to meet with him and the kids and come to an agreement to stop court proceedings. At that meeting, in the local shopping centre, I ask about the private health cover. I get told ‘I have spoken to the Medibank Private and they can’t issue you with a card. You have to call me while you are at the appointment and I will authorise it on the phone.’ I didn’t believe him. He is a compulsive and never ending liar and I know that cards can be issued.
So I tell him that I have heard differently.
‘Come with me to the office then, they are just downstairs, they will tell you.’
We sit together in front of the teller and she opens up his details on the screen. I can see that the card is in his name and his girlfriend, her daughter and our two boys are listed underneath. I explain the situation and ask her if I can be issued a card for the use of the two children listed on the cover.
‘Yes. I will organise it now. It is posted to James and he will have to then give it to you. You just use it like normal when you take the children to their appointments.’
Ha! got you, I think to myself.
‘No, when I phoned up they said they couldn’t issue it, I spoke to a Jasmine at head office, she said that all Frog’s Tale had to do was let me know when she needed it and I could phone up. She can’t use a card, it can’t be issued in her name, how will the excess be paid…..’ James huffs and puffs and loudly protests.
I look directly at the teller and ask her ‘all you need to do is send James a copy and he has to post it to me and then I can use it, isn’t that right?’
‘No, that isn’t right, there are a number of issues, how will the surgery know she is the boy’s mother, her name isn’t on it, what about the excess ………’ more blah blah blah from the ex.
Teller and I look at each other and one of those telepathic exchanges happens – I know what she is thinking ‘ what the hell is this loser going on about’. Teller rolls her eyes at me.
I walk away and he comes after me and grabs me by the shoulder.
‘I am not doing this anymore. You heard what she said. Just get the fucking card posted to you and give it to me. This is for the kids for God’s sake.’
I have had enough of this by then and am about to walk off.
‘I wanted you to say that you would let me know when you took them, that’s all.’
‘What am I, a mind reader? Why didn’t you just say that. I am more than happy to text you in advance when I am going to take the boys. If that is the only problem it is solved now.’
He walks back into the office and comes out and tells me that the card will be posted and he will forward it to me when he gets it.
Two months later – no card – and we are in with the Family Report writer and James has submitted a 46 page affidavit full of hate and lies and in it he says he has given me access to the children’s health care cover. NO HE HASN’T
The Family Report writer says that he has changed his mind about giving me the card because the card is in his girlfriend’s name (LIE) and for privacy reasons (LIE) she doesn’t want me to have it (LIE) and instead he will take the children to all their appointments.
I jumped at that suggestion. I work full time, he has one month off out of every two and has far more time to take them. So the Family Report states that he will take them to all their appointments.
Another month down the track and we are in court making the new orders. The proposed orders mention NOTHING about private health cover or James taking the children to their appointments. NOTHING
So I ask his lawyer where that clause is. She tells me he has changed his mind.
‘What – he isn’t going to let the children use their private health cover? I have cancelled the one I had because they were under Chris’s (ex hubbie # 2) cover and now we are no longer together and he is out of work we can’t keep paying it.’
‘I’ll tell him and see what he says.’
The lawyer comes back in a few minutes later and tells me ‘he will put in a clause about taking them to their appointments and if he can’t he will give the health cover details to the surgery – IF YOU SIGN THE AGREEMENT TODAY. If you won’t sign today he won’t agree to it.’
Do I need to say anymore? Has this man shown his true colours? Is this is about ‘the welfare of the children who I love and of course I want them to have health cover’ as he told me at that meeting at the shopping centre? No. It is about manipulation, threats, lies and using the children’s health cover as a pawn in this battle.
I signed (for various other reasons too) and we now have orders. I won the battle, but I am absolutely sure the war will continue.