Psychology Today – Interesting reading about people and relationships. I am always happy to learn more and improve myself and the important relationships in my life.
So today I clicked on an article about The Best Kept Secret to Highly Successful Couples thinking it would help me with my second marriage. I don’t only think about the narcissist/psychopath or whatever he is that I married first time round, although you might not think that from my blog!
What do you know? I start reading about the three different types of romantic partners. The givers, the matchers and the takers.
Let’s see if you can recognise one of the types?
Takers are just that…takers. They usually treat people well only if and when those people can help them reach their goals. Interestingly they often appear as the most charming and charismatic people on the surface. They know how to work the crowd and seduce, but under the surface they are actually motivated by self-interest. You can recognize a taker by how poorly they treat people that they believe are of no use to them. You know you’re in a relationship with a taker when you feel sucked dry for all you have (whether it’s money, affection, time etc.). Once the taker has everything they want from you, you may be relegated to the “unimportant” sphere of their life. Their primary focus is themselves.
Really? Does this sound a bit familiar? Yes, of course. A classic narcissist. Look at the key words…. charming & charismatic on the surface but underneath greedy and self-interested.
And who do the takers normally latch on to? The Givers.
Givers are people whose primary motivation is to take care of others, to make sure others are well, and to contribute to others and society. In a relationship, these are people who are always thinking about gifts for their partner, who take their partners’ interests into consideration, and who are always thinking “What else can I do for you?” They’re pretty awesome. They understand the relationship as an opportunity to give and take care.
Givers often end up thinking there is something wrong with them when they are unhappy in a relationship. They are the ones who think they are not lovable or good enough because they take personal responsibility for making the relationship work (rather than blaming their partners). They can end up burned out and exhausted, from continuously giving at their own cost if they do not receive the support they need from the relationship.
Givers are the ones that stay in unhealthy relationships, try to make them work, give their best and their all. You could also call them co-dependent, although I don’t believe all us in abusive relationships are co-dependent, but it sure sounds like the same sort of thing here.
A Taker with a Giver – another way of describing a narcissistic abusive relationship? Sure sounds like it to me.
I wish I didn’t keep seeing narcissistic psychopaths everywhere!