If you choose not to return the phone by this Thursday my girlfriend will report it stolen.
So what are the facts?
Ex husband gave 13 year old son his girlfriend’s old iphone as a birthday present – despite the fact that he wrote to me about it and asked me to do some research on the best deal to get and I offered an opinion that I didn’t think an iphone was suitable for this particular 13 year old (who already has a normal mobile)
Thirteen year old sneakily uses iphone in his bedroom in the middle of the night to contact a girl and meet her at 3am in the park.
Son gets brought home by police.
I confiscate phone as a consequence for a) using the phone for the wrong thing and b) as a disciplinary measure (noting that 13 year old lives with me all the time and only visits father on the odd weekend and half school holidays). I let ex husband know about what happened and that I have confiscated the phone – three months ago.
Another fact – the ex husband only bought a small amount of credit for the phone – which ran out ages ago and was only for overseas calls anyway – he got the wrong deal.
Ex husband emails this morning and asks me to send phone back with children for next school holiday because
……it is useful if we have to be apart for any reason when I’m with them.
I write back
As usual Son 1 is bringing his phone with him
I did that because:
- Kids don’t need iphone for that – they already take their mobiles with them
- I have learned to write as little as possible to my ex, who probably has a personality disorder, likely Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
- He is lying about the reason he wants the phone back – because he lies about nearly everything.
I have learned how to respond to my ex over the years – by asking no questions, offering no opinions and being as business like as possible.
But I am only human.
I have to admit to being really bloody annoyed at him for asking for it back. It isn’t because he needs it for kids at all – it is probably just because he is pissed off at me for taking it off our son and for being right.
And I am angry that he is lying about why he wants it back.
I am upset for my son who got a present that was inappropriate and worth half what his father gave his brother as a birthday present.
I think if I give the present back to his father he should give his son a replacement present to make up for it (although I am a little conflicted on this one – that might not teach my son the right thing).
Maybe I might un-confiscate the phone one day and let son use it again (although it needs to be fixed and the credit put on it!).
More than anything though, I am just plain fed up with him and his nasty manipulative lying ways and I knew whatever I said to him other than ‘of course I will send the phone back’ would give him the shits.
I suppose I deliberately rattled his cage to see what he would do and he was predictable – another threat.
I wasn’t asking about Son 1’s phone, I’m requesting once again that you return the phone girlfriend and I gave to Charlie if you are not letting him have it.
You can give it to Son 1 to give back to us if you don’t want to give it to Charlie.
If you choose not to return the phone by this Thursday girlfriend will report it stolen.
High conflict personalities rarely change and rarely learn that threats only make things worse. Now I really don’t want to send it back!
- I told you so (frogstale.wordpress.com)