Posted by: frogstale | March 6, 2014

Rise Above It

rise above it

I made a choice in the best interests of my children and because I love them.

I have struggled with making the right choices for the right reasons for a long time.

I don’t like feeling I have been manipulated into doing something by my narcissistic/sociopathic ex – it has happened too often over too many years.

I had decided that I would not be manipulated into dropping and picking up the children at the airport this time.

  • HE should organise that seeing as he organised the flights at some godawful hour in the morning
  • HE should not just assume I am going to do everything he wants/needs me to for the boys
  • HE should care about his boys enough to help them sort out getting to the airport
  • HE has tons of money and tons of time and don’t have nearly as much of either.

But when it came right down to it, I couldn’t just sit back and let the kids (16 and 13) get themselves up and to the train station at 5am and then another hour to get to the airport.

(See Narc Decoder)

So I made a CHOICE to take them.

  • Because I love them.
  • Because I am their mother and I could not with a clear conscience lie in bed and let them go off by themselves.
  • Because I am better than their father who thinks it is all a big game and really doesn’t care about them at all.  If he did he would have organised a shuttle car to pick them up and drop them back, pad by credit card and made sure they were fine.

But he didn’t.

After he told me the details of the flights with the expectation (not verbalised) that I would do the running around, I never heard another word from him.  I have learned not to respond or engage with him because it achieves nothing.

I didn’t write back.

So it came to a few days before and I realised that I would make the choices I wanted to make in the best interests of my children.

He didn’t ‘win’ anything even though he probably thought he did.

I won.

I won because I was able to take the high road. (See Staying on the high road while the low road is calling)

My children won because I didn’t place them in any sort of conflict and I took them and picked them up because I wanted to do it for them.

(See Despite not in Spite)

I have learned to rise above it.

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Responses

  1. Congratulations! You chose not to play the petty game he’s set up for you. It reminds me of a quote from the movie War Games; “The only winning move is not to play.”

    • Thanks for the support Kathryn. I do feel so much better for doing what I wanted to do for the children.

      It has taken me a long time to get here and be comfortable where ‘here’ is. And here is not playing his games at all. I need to remember that each and every time I have an interaction with him.

      Thanks for your support.


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