I don’t know what to do. I am losing my 13 year old son to the dark side. He lies, then covers it up with another lie and thinks I don’t realise it is a lie. Then turns his words around to ‘I meant ….’ ‘I thought ….’. He thinks little lies to cover big lies are OK. He blames me for things he has done. The latest is in relation to signing up for extra sports.
He already plays sports on Saturday and goes to training twice a week. He wanted to do another sport on Sunday which involved 2 more nights of training, somewhere he can’t walk to. He promised me when I reluctantly agreed to let him go, that I wouldn’t need to take him to training and the game as he would arrange it himself.
Eight weeks later, when he can’t get a lift from his friends he tells me ‘they are getting fed up of taking me’ ‘you won’t take me because you can’t be bothered’. i have been taking him, most weekends. But I just got back from another flying visit to the other side of the world for my Dad and I am jet lagged and tired. He also lied to me last night about a party he went to and getting a lift home. I am very angry with him.
I have this terrible sense of deja vu. I left his father because he was a liar and a cheat. I couldn’t trust him to ever tell me the truth. My mantra was ‘say what you mean and mean what you say’ and he couldn’t do that.
Now my son is doing the same. How do I deal with this? I don’t want him in my life – I can’t live with another liar who blames me for everything. I just can’t do it. How do you ‘leave’ your 13 year old son? And the fact that I even feel this way is so deeply upsetting and disturbing. I don’t know how to deal with my feelings or him.
I want him to be better than his father, to grow up knowing that lying will get you into more trouble and is just WRONG. I want him to learn personal responsibility and empathy. I have tried but I am getting nowhere. Am I just banging my head against a brick wall and his genetics will always triumph in the end?
There are no answers, just more and more questions.