I haven’t posted in long time. I was thinking to myself only the last few days it was because I was finally getting over having to co-parent with a narcissistic sociopathic ex husband. It has got marginally easier with the children getting older (14 and 17) and new orders in place that mean that we don’t have to be in contact by email nearly as much.
There are downsides to such limited communication though. He has to organise things through the kids – and they are kids! They forget what he has told them, or to ask important questions – like ‘how are we getting to your place’ or ‘when are you picking us up for the holidays’! But on balance not knowing what is going on is easier than having to communicate with him and I have learned to deal with uncertainty.
I was even thinking that maybe the other people who blog about narcissistic exes for years after they have left might not be dealing with it in the best way. Maybe they are rehashing over and over again things best left behind when it is time to move on?
I do understand that, like me, we want to educate other people about what to look for so they don’t make the same mistakes as us, to advise and support people who aren’t as far into the journey as we are. I often feel that the only good thing to come out of my awful experiences are that I can help others.
But I was also feeling that maybe it was time to move on. To concentrate on other more important things in my life, the health and happiness of myself and my children, my career, friends.
I was thinking all of this.
And then more cr*p has happened and a nasty email lands in my inbox – and I know that I am not quite ready to stop writing about it and I haven’t quite ‘moved on’. I still get angry and fire back an email I probably shouldn’t. I am not ‘holier than thou’ – I am a normal person dealing with an abnormal situation and I still get upset and pissed off at him.
Will tell you the ‘private health cover’ saga soon – and then the ‘passport’ saga – and finish off the ‘iphone saga’ another day. Putting it out into cyberspace gets it off my chest and makes me feel better. And leaves a concrete history about the saga that is my life co-parenting with a narcopath. Something I hope I will one day look back on with relief when it is over.
But until that time …. I’m back