I know I haven’t been here much, if at all lately. It is for several reasons.
My children are getting older, the control my ex can try and assert on me is fading as that happens so I don’t often hear from him or get angry at what he does. It still comes occasionally but the longer I have had to deal with this, the easier it becomes to just ignore or laugh at his latest attempts to provoke me.
It really does get easier and there is light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.
I have also returned to writing my memoir about our relationship. I am on a major rewrite.
The first run threw was one big vomit of words, hurt, anger and justification. I thought at the time it wasn’t cathartic, but it is now 3 years since the vomit and I do believe it did give me more peace in the long run. I understand now what drew me in and kept me and can see the seeds of the toxic relationship present right from the start.
I recommend writing as a healing endeavour – even if no-one ever reads it. However I do one day want something that I can publish – so I am now refashioning the vomit into a piece of creative non-fiction. Scenes, dialogue, texture and colour. And that takes time and priority over blogging. And of course I have a full life with a full time job, teenage boys studying and playing sport, not to mention my second marriage to someone with Aspbergers which has its own huge challenges.
So I will keep writing my memoir and ignoring my ex and getting on with my life.